| I hear some hip cat's running for mayor in Mexico. That gives me an idea|
|Sam Cam told me some cat called Morris is running for mayor of Xalapa, a city in Mexico. I thought she was winding me up at first. I mean, have you ever heard of a Mexican called Morris – or a cat for that matter? But Sam assures me it's true. She says Morris's campaign T-shirts are pretty chic and she's thinking about ordering a load of them. I swear she does these things just to wind Dave up.|
But Morris has got me thinking about my own career plans. I had a word about it with DC, as I call our great leader, before he flew off to Northern Ireland for his chinwag with Barack and Angela. He was removing his tie, rolling up his shirt sleeves and admiring himself in the bathroom mirror. "Have you heard about Morris?" I asked. "What's that blonde buffoon done now," DC replied, almost choking on his mouthwash. "No, not Boris. Morris. The cat who's running for mayor in Mexico." DC knew all about him. Apparently Morris is mining a deep vein of voter disgruntlement and exploiting a crisis of confidence in the political system, or so Steve Hilton told him when he Skyped from California over the weekend.
I told DC that Boris was pulling the same trick and I had a plan to stop him. "Larry the cat for London mayor – what do you reckon?" DC looked contemptuous, but I pointed out there are historical precedents. "Didn't a monkey get elected in Hartlepool?" I said. DC almost slipped with his razor. "That's no way to talk about Peter Mandelson." Say what you like about Dave, but he has got impeccable manners.
I've been doing my research on Sam's iPad and I filled DC in as he slipped on his strides. A town in Kentucky has a border collie called Lucy Lou as mayor and a Texan town elected a goat called Clay Henry III. Then there was Caligula's famous horse, Incitatus, which was supposedly made a consul. "That's nothing," DC said. "The Liberal Democrats elected a donkey!"
I'm already formulating a plan to deal with London's rat problem and Sam Cam's helping me design a range of stylish over-sized Larry rosettes. I think DC might be warming to the idea. I told him I could attract the anti-politics vote, just like that Ukip fella is doing.